Ok let’s be really honest here, we all love it when we are in a relationship and everything is in flow, no agro, everything feeling really comfortable, happy and harmonious. Yes, yes, yes I say. Bring it on. Love living in harmony.
So what when we hit a block, or a problem that we just do not want to face with a loved one? This can be really tricky – perhaps deeply triggering or emotional and just plain uncomfortable?
We could of course hit the usual fight/freeze or flight response. We could wait for it to calm down, go away, or ignore it? We could of course press the “have a row” button because we are so upset, angry, fearful, misunderstood, un-valued or whatever it is that has been stimulated within us. It might be interesting to reflect on what we have done in the past when something like this has cropped up. If it was a real biggie, did we end a relationship because we were “right” and they were “wrong”? Did we choose to believe we could not change the outcome?
How about facing that “demon of a block”. That “huge uncomfortable”and stare it right in the face with the intention of discussing the un-discussable. The stuff you feel you cannot say. Expressing your needs, without poking your finger at your beloved. Putting the problem right in the middle of the table with the intention of listening to each others solutions and working out together how you can move through the issue.
The UNCOMFORTABLE is an opportunity for growth. It may feel dark, sticky and terrifying. But if you navigate the uncomfortable carefully, sensitively, with empathy, love and compassion, you just might kick uncomfortable’s ass. You just might have a real breakthrough with your loved one and guess what, you will both feel really heard and respected. You will both feel safer to move through another obstacle when it arises and you will both GROW in your relationship and break a holding pattern perhaps that has been your relationship jailer.
So I will end this blog by saying that this process is not easy, but the TRIUMPH you will feel when you have worked through your issues will be mind blowing. You will have created a triumph and most importantly nourished and strengthened a relationship with someone you adore. You have up-levelled your relationship robustness. Life is all about navigating relationships and great relationships provide us with a sense of peace, belonging, love and deep satisfaction.
So when you get truly uncomfortable again, remember it provides you with an opportunity for transformation, for deeper understanding and evolve into something bigger and greater than ever before. Team work is always the dream work.